


A Lost Hope

by angelofthenightposts



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel, bucky barnes x reader - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 05:51:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16804777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelofthenightposts/pseuds/angelofthenightposts
Summary: Someone needs to open Bucky’s eyes, show him how much he’s really cared for and loved, and you’re willing to volunteer for this difficult mission.





	A Lost Hope

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr as @angelofthenightposts. Thank you for reading! xx

“These are the last pieces,” A drop of sweat slipped down your forehead as you laid the packets on your lap around the corner, before wiping the beads of sweat off and taking another deep breath. You didn’t know how many times you had gone between your room and the living room, but at least there wasn’t any gift box waiting to be gift-wrapped all over your bedroom. Sam stroked your shoulder as he glanced at the gifts, and he was so proud that you finished the job before giving up or grunting. You wondered where the rest of the team was when you came to eye to eye with him. The last time you saw Natasha, she was struggling in her room, and Wanda, well; she came to you for borrowing the coloured pencils. “Who will carry all these to the garage? “

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart.” When Tony and Pepper walked out of the tower’s spacious and swift elevator, you thought you’d never seen him look so cheerful. “Happy will transfer them to vehicles, everyone ready?“

"Natasha is still wrapping her gifts, but Wanda has brought most of hers. I’ll change my sweaty clothes and help them,” you smiled at Pepper before walking up the stairs behind you,“ Hello, Pepp. Will you join us today?”

Pepper seemed so upset that she couldn’t go with you today when you remembered how much she loved the kids. She put her hand on Tony’s right shoulder and rested her body against his, “Unfortunately, I have to attend meetings; there are people who I have to convince that you’re still fighting for good.”

You knew exactly what she was talking about; Bucky who had joined you a few months ago was still making headlines. You couldn’t understand why people believe a stupid newspaper article instead of trying to get to know Bucky. Why did they always look for someone to blame? You were tired of feeling people’s glances on you when you all went out for coffee or a dinner. You were angry that people were pulling aside in fear as if Bucky would start a massacre at any moment. You were angry at Bucky for turning in on himself, instead of just showing how he really was. You were angry that he locked himself into his room instead of sharing his thoughts and feelings, being so rude to a few fans who dared to come near him despite all the news. When you realize that you haven’t seen him all day long, you frowned and left Tony, Sam and Pepper, after excusing yourself.

Tony had assigned each floor of the towers to each of you separately as the team got crowded; unlike Sam, you didn’t complain about Bucky once, because Bucky kept living in his room like a ghost as they said, the old habits die hard, right? After wearing a few things from your wardrobe, you walked to your bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror. When you noticed a bruise on your face, a memory from the last mission, you wrinkled your forehead and started looking for a concealer that you threw into one of the drawers. Make-up has never been a thing you were good at; you had no time or desire to improve. After all, there was no man to compliment your appearance in your life; maybe the reason was that you didn’t care how you dressed or appeared. A few moments later, you finally got out of your room after you fell into the makeup bag you bought with Natasha and applied them all to your face. You were feeling awkward, even though you were looking better in the mirror. Sam would definitely find a way to piss you off, but it didn’t matter for now. You could have blackmailed him to tell Tony the little mischief he’d done in May, no one could believe how he turned into a gentleman in seconds.

You saw Steve before stepping on the second step of the ladder; you didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out something bothering him. He was so distracted on his own train of thoughts that it took some time to notice you and Steve tried to smile. You realized how tired and unhappy he was with Bucky for months, maybe he just wanted to have his old friend back. “Hey, are you all right?”

Steve didn’t answer as he leaned back against the handrail and folded his arms across his chest. When you took two steps up, you gnawed your lower lip and tried to figure out how you could learn what was going on without forcing him. You embraced him; the blonde man wrapped his arm around your waist and felt a little more relaxed with your contact. “He doesn’t want to come, does he?”

You backed up and looked into his blue eyes after he nodded at you, having a face as long as a wet week. When you first came in here, you met him before anyone else, he did his best to make you feel better, and he still was doing it. You two were so close that it even gave you the hope that you might have something for a moment, but when Steve hinted out that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, you accepted it. Decreasing your feelings for him didn’t mean you wouldn’t feel sorry for him anyway. “Okay, why don’t you grab your shield from inventory? Susie was so excited to see it the last time.”

Steve decided that it would be better to leave Bucky alone and came down the stairs. But suddenly he turned his head and looked at you. “I don’t think you can convince him, Y/N.”

“I’m gonna just tell him how much it means for us and the kids, and if he still decides not to come, I’m going to drag his ass down the stairs.” Steve rolled his eyes, you both grinned, knowing you would have to use all the power to bring him downstairs.

“Bucky.” You chose to be polite before going with the hard way, and you knocked the big door three times. After barging in his room while Bucky dressing up a few weeks ago, you were extra careful in knocking on the door. You knew he was probably hiding inside his big bed but still, you didn’t want to poke the bear. When you didn’t get any answer in return, you tried your luck again,“ It’s me, Y/N. Are you free?”

Bucky rolled his eyes at you; like he couldn’t tell who was at his door and turned the volume up on his earbuds, and tried to go back to his old, dusty book. Maybe you could think that he fell asleep if he didn’t answer. When he heard his door knocking again, he grunted, “Leave me alone.”

In contrast to what Bucky had hoped, you entered his room while he focused on his book; it was just one way to ignore you, even though he didn’t understand any of the words he read. He looked at you from the corner of his eye as you walked in the room and approached his bed.

He tried to guess why your skin was glowing, could it have anything to do with all those cosmetic products that he wasn’t accustomed to. He gritted his teeth when your fresh perfume was filled in his nostrils, great, now he would have to ventilate the room after you left. “You need to leave.”

Ignoring him, you sat down in a single seat right across the bed, and looked at him,“ I’ll make my own decisions thank you.”

“Fine,“ Bucky had never met someone as stubborn as himself; even the most determined or patient people gave up, but when it came to you, he already knew he lost the battle. Bucky pulled out one of his headphones and leaned back against the bedrail, "If you came to convince me to go to the children’s’ hospital, I told Steve, I’m not going. Don’t waste your breath.”

Instead of responding to Bucky, you just nodded softly and let your gaze walk through the room. As you stayed silent, Bucky turned his gaze on you. He had to admit that this silent and understanding attitude of you frightened him more than ever. By the time he got to the next page, by the way, he had no idea what it was written in the last paragraph, he once again glanced at you.“Bucky, Sam told me what happened last time.”

“ I’m sure you weren’t a little surprised after hearing a little boy cried because of me,“ Bucky remembered the sobbing of the child when he answered you half-heartedly, and his whole body winced. He cleared his throat as he felt the biggest elephant sitting on his chest.

"He cried because you told him that his prosthetic arm will never to be liked by anyone.” Bucky held his breath, and you leaned forward and pushed a lock of hair behind your ear, thinking you were on the right path. “Just like you told him everyone sees your metal arm as a weapon. Bucky, it’s not true; nobody thinks anything bad about you or your arm. “

“I guess you haven’t gotten a glimpse of any newspaper or social media for a few days. ’When you noticed the touchiness in Bucky’s voice, you pressed your lips together.

Even though the things he has done wasn’t up to him, he’d never forgiven himself, you knew him well enough to know it. Nor you or Steve or a psychologist would be able to change his opinion as long as he didn’t believe himself. "So what, they write me as a grumpy bitch. Do you think like that?”

When Bucky stood silent, trying to decide, you opened your eyes wide and put your hand over your chest as if you were offended. When Bucky finally smiled, you stood up and walked to the edge of his bed. Bucky took a deep breath when he saw that he really didn’t upset you. “Bucky, I know you care about us, no matter how much you try to hide it, and we care about you, too. I can see the real you lying beneath this horrible and fiery mask you put. You just have to let people know you and love you.”

Bucky didn’t know how to feel after you shared your true feelings about him; he was so lonely that he needed someone’s love. For a moment he thought that his heart had been softened, but thousands of news about him came up to his mind and he clenched his jaw. When he set his book aside and brought his face close to yours, you didn’t retreat in fear as many people did. “I know that most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people. I don’t deserve to be loved, Y/N.“

"Of course with this attitude, nobody likes you. You don’t let anybody go through a ten-meter steel wall that you build up so they can’t actually see what you’re like.” When Bucky was caught off his guard for a moment, you averted your eyes from him and quickly turned around and stepped away in the room. “You’re so afraid of people making you sad, you’re putting distance with everyone, and you’re building walls so no one can reach you. No matter how much we want to reach you, Bucky, we hit that wall every fucking time. God, how could I be so blind?”

You hated yourself for never caring about Bucky’s feeling so far, you pushed all your hair back and tried to massage your temples. You saw Bucky sitting in bed, completely silent. You felt guilty after noticing his eyes were bloody-red.

“Bucky,” You let your exhausted body on the edge of the bed as you pressed down the hiccup awaiting the moment to flush through your lips, and tried to calm yourself down before you continued. Your anger or frustration wouldn’t help your current situation. You reached out to his fist and took it between your palms. “I know that I will never understand what you’re feeling or thinking about. I don’t know how you can keep breathing while hating yourself this bad. But, I know one thing very well. You don’t have to get through all of these by yourself.“

"Why are you still here with me?” When Bucky finally spoke to all that you said, he wasn’t a strong soldier or a man. On the other side of the bed, a fragile and broken boy was sitting. You lifted your hand over his metal hand, touched his chin, and slowly lifted it to make him look at you.

“Because you need someone to be with you, you need someone to show you how much you are loved and cared. You need to hear that what happened to you isn’t your fault, that you don’t deserve all that bad stuff. And if you agree, I’m willing to be that person.”

“You’ve got an event to go.” You shook your head with a smile, realizing that you couldn’t leave him alone after the shine you noticed in his irises.

“We have an event to go but it doesn’t matter now. Nothing does other than you, I’ll stay with you until you smile.“

"So do I.” When you and Bucky turned your head at the same time, you found Steve staring at you, leaning against the door. For a moment, when you came to the eye with him, you knew the feeling very well, it was appreciation. Steve was forever grateful for finally convincing his friend to share his feelings. He walked to the bed after you pointed at the empty side, and sat down on Bucky’s left.

You and Steve hugged the guy when you sat in the empty space on the right. Bucky bowed his head and allowed the contact of the two people he cared about to warm his stone cold heart. “I’d like to go to the hospital on Wednesday and apologize for what I said. Would you like to come with me?“

Bucky pointed to a few gift boxes in the corner of the closet when you lifted your head in astonishment and tried to find out if Bucky was serious. You nodded at his offer while grinning at the gifts that he didn’t want to go to, he even wrapped them in different coloured papers. When Steve said he would gladly join, you all went back to peaceful silence.

"They’ll love you, dude, don’t worry.”


End file.
